My Un-Amended Birth Certificate.

It is official! I am in possession of my Un-amended Birth Certificate. It was mailed to me by certified, return receipt requested after I sent in my check for $28.00 and my notarized application form. The state of Massachusetts website was warning people it could take up to 90 days to receive the certificate but I received mine in exactly 23 days.

So what do I think of my un-amended birth certificate? I am surprised how cold and heartless this simple piece of paper seems. There is the standard “where and when” stuff you would expect. No surprises about the location, date, and time. It just seems so very cold and lifeless. Un-emotional. An event of joy made somehow …medicinal? I can almost smell the antiseptic of the old hospital…

I guess what bothers me about the whole thing is the blank section where my name should be. No “baby boy so and so”, no “john doe”, no nothing. There is nothing listed for my birth weight and length. By looking at this certificate, the only thing anyone would be able to tell was a seventeen year old girl gave birth to a white male.

The section for the father is also completely blank but someone wrote in big letters across that section “corrected to” and filled in my adoptive last name.

Those “corrected to” words really sadden and hurt me. I am sure that 45 years ago it was assumed no one would ever have cause to see this certificate but those words just seem cruel. I would think they could have used the words “changed to” or even “amended to” but “corrected to” implies to me, somebody didn’t think things were correct.

Somebody decided it would be the “correct” thing to change my name, the “correct” thing to place me for adoption, and the “correct” thing to let B. get on with her life.

So anyway here I sit with this birth certificate. B. knows I sent away for it and is looking forward to seeing it. My gut reaction is to just not show her the certificate to save her painful memories. I wonder if I can get a copy without the ‘corrected to” part…avoid rubbing huge handfuls of salt in some very old wounds.

I know it is my right to have the birth certificate and a lot of people worked very hard to pass this law. I do feel guilty that I don’t appreciate it more and I am sure people will upset with me but I am beginning to think I shouldn’t have ordered it.

What is that old saying about being careful what you wish for?

Reunion in aisle 1: Man finds birth mother at work

Please enjoy this wonderful story over the holidays:

Reunion in aisle 1: Man finds birth mother at work

Wednesday, December 19, 2007
By Pat Shellenbarger
The Grand Rapids Press
GRAND RAPIDS — For more than two months, Steve Flaig eyed the woman running the cash register in the home improvement store where both worked, trying to decide how to tell her what he knew and she didn’t.

In early October, Flaig’s long search for his birth mother ended when he learned she was the woman he previously knew only as Chris, the head cashier at the Lowe’s Home Improvement Warehouse in Plainfield Township.

“I would walk by her, look at her from a distance, not knowing how to approach her,” said Flaig, a Lowe’s delivery truck driver. “You don’t come stocked with information on how to deal with this.”

It would seem brash to walk up and say, “Hi, I’m Steve, your son.”

And what if she rejected him?

When Christine Tallady was hired last April, she had no idea the young delivery driver to whom she was introduced was her son.

When he was born Oct. 5, 1985, she was single, not ready to be a mother. It was a tough decision for her to give him up for adoption.

Tallady left the adoption record open, figuring he might want to contact her some day. She often thought of him, particularly on his birthday.

But life went on. She got married, had two more kids.

Flaig always knew he was adopted. His parents, Pat and Lois Flaig, supported him when he decided to search for his birth mother. They had done the same with their younger son, Scott, who found his birth mother almost a year ago.

“It’s not like the old days, when you’d say, ‘No, you’re my kid,’” Pat Flaig said. “It’s like I told my younger son, ‘You not only have one family; you have two.’

“It’s like one big extended family.”

Four years ago, when Steve turned 18, he asked DA Blodgett for Children, the agency that arranged his adoption, for his background information.

A couple of months later it came, with his birth mother’s name.

He searched the Internet for her address and came up empty.

In October, around his 22nd birthday, he took out the paperwork from DA Blodgett and realized he had been spelling his birth mother’s surname wrong as “Talladay.”

He typed “Tallady” into a search engine, coming up with an address on West River Drive. That was less than a mile from the Lowe’s store, 4297 Plainfield Ave. NE, and just around the corner from where his parents raised him.

He mentioned it to his boss.

She said: “You mean Chris Tallady, who works here?”

He was stunned.

“I was like, there’s no possible way,” he said. “It’s just such a bizarre situation.”

He did not dare approach her, and told only a few friends and family.

His father went through Tallady’s checkout line and noticed her name tag, but said nothing. He figured he would leave it to his son.

Last Wednesday on his day off, Steve happened to be driving past the DA Blodgett offices. He decided to stop in and told them of his find.

An employee there volunteered to call Tallady for him.

Tallady, 45, was surprised to get the call at Lowe’s.

How did the DA Blodgett people know where she worked?

“The first thing that crossed my mind is something was wrong with him,” she said.

Was he sick? Did he need a blood transfusion?

Nothing like that, the Blodgett worker assured her.

“Christine,” she said, “he works with you.”

“It was a shock,” Tallady said. “I started crying.

“I figured he would call me sometime, but not like this.”

She wept much that day, tears of joy.

Steve called her later that day.

Last Friday, the two who until then had occasionally said “hi” as co-workers do, met at the Cheers Good Time Saloon near the store. They hugged, sat and talked for 2 1/2 hours.

On Tuesday, they hugged again in the store where both were working the day shift.

They know their paths must have crossed many times. Both graduated from Northview High School. Both attended St. Jude Catholic Church.

“We both hate olives, both love roller coasters,” Tallady said.

Flaig hasn’t decided whether to search now for his birth father.

He’s anxious to meet Tallady’s other two children, Brandon, 10, and Alexandra, 12, his half-siblings.

Her husband, Dale, out of town on business, wants to be there when they meet, maybe this weekend.

“My husband is wonderful,” Tallady said. “He wants it to be a whole family thing.

“I have a complete family now, all my kids. It’s a perfect time of year. It’s the best Christmas present ever.”

Send e-mail to the author: pshellenbarger@grpress.com

©2007 Grand Rapids Press
© 2007 Michigan Live. All Rights Reserved.

Lunch with my Paternal Half Sister.

I had the pleasure of meeting and having lunch with my half sister on Monday. She is exactly eight months younger than me and it was freaky!

I was running a few minutes late because I decided to take Route 495 around the city but I didn’t realize just how long it would take! I didn’t allow time to run into a Macdonald’s for a quick  pit stop either!

As I ran up toward the restaurant, I could see her sitting there. It is such a weird feeling seeing someone and knowing in a split second that they are family. She has some of the same coloring and I think we look alike.

Anyway, we had a three hour lunch! We talked a lot about our father and what she remembered from her visit out to Texas to see him. She talked a lot about how she couldn’t understand why he abandoned her family. It was very sad. As a seven year old, she witnessed all the trauma and upset of a marriage falling apart and she still walks around with it to this day. She has had her own share of relationship problems and issues but she seemed thrilled that I am (somewhat)close by. Her mom lives in Florida and her brother lives in Texas so I am the closest relative.

She mentioned that she thought our dad had remarried and divorced again out in Texas. There is a woman with the right name listed but her age seems a bit off. I tried to leave a message but the phone cuts off. I think I’ll write a letter. There aren’t any marriage records for him but maybe they got married in Reno? Or Vegas?

Anyway, I bought a new car yesterday. Or should I say a new old car? I had bought a new Camry last year and it was terrible in the snow. I literally could not get out my hilly driveway with the thing. I had been hit twice in the year I owned it so I decided it was jinxed. I traded it for a year old Jeep Grand Cherokee. It has a few bells and whistles. Heated seats and mirrors, etc. and plenty of room for the dog! She ran around it yesterday a few times in the garage all excited. The sanctuary down the road is all snowed in but now there is no stopping me and the dog!

I am off to do some last minute shopping today. I also need to make a batch of low fat granola for the folks up north. I can’t claim I thought up the recipe but the fruit and nut ratio is all mine. I also have to figure out what is up with the mail. Two days with no mail means the mail person must not able to get near the mailbox despite all my frantic ice picking and shoveling. Thanks a lot, plow guy! It is a !@#$%^ wall of ice!

I figure now that I have the new car and a snow blower on order, that should be the end of the wintry weather.