Brothers and Mothers.

I met up with my half brother R. last weekend. He and a buddy of his were traveling down my way so we hooked up for lunch. It was certainly awkward at times but overall a good visit. He emailed me when he got home so it appears he felt the same way.

This coming weekend is the first anniversary of the sudden death of his brother. I know my bmom has been having a rough couple of weeks herself. I had sent a package to her for mother’s day and we talked a few days prior. My gut reaction was to lay low and back off. From the sound of things that was the right thing to do.

I can’t quite figure out why things happen as they do. It is very odd that I decide to locate my biological mother and just a year after her son (the replacement baby) dies. She was telling me the other night she thinks that I was sent back to her for a reason…to soften the blow of losing another child.

I feel so bad for her sometimes. It seems her life is just one loss after another. She mentioned she had four big “hurts” in her life…giving me up, the loss of her parents and the loss of D. last year.

It is odd but she and I are more alike than people realize. We are “circle the wagon” types when dealing with grief. Her sister mentioned recently that B. seemed to be holding it all in but if you think about it, that is all B. has ever known. She kept her grief and her secret to herself for 44 years.

I take some comfort in knowing that her family thinks my return has been helped her. Her husband treats me like one of his own. He apparently has a chainsaw for me but he wants to give me a lesson first so I don’t hurt myself. I have used one before but I will take the lesson gladly.

I finally saw that movie Juno. I thought it was amusing but also terribly annoying. I guess it hit too close to home. The closing scene bugged me. Just pick up a guitar, start plucking and everything will be OK! Jeez! Oddly, I paired it up with the Ben Affleck movie Gone Baby Gone. In this film, a child is kidnapped from a mother with a lot of issues. She is a drug dealer and is involved with a very bad crowd. It turns out the baby has been kidnapped by a couple who lost a child and they are giving this child the world. The movie ends with Casey Affleck deciding the right thing to do is return this child to the mother. There is quite a bit of violence but the movie does make you think…

Last but not least, I am in a golf tournament next Friday. I have been playing almost daily and I hope I will do well. I don’t want to shame the team. I have been playing for five years and it just hasn’t come together yet.