My Half-Nephew…

The misery of returning to work after two weeks of vacation is setting in. This was an odd vacation because I never really felt completely relaxed. There was always a nagging feeling that work needed my attention somehow.

Apparently, B.’s grandson G. was trying to figure out how I was related to him and B. told him that I was his half-uncle. I am secretly amused by this kid…he is sharp as a tack. I also think this kid is looking for some constants in his life. He lost his dad, his mother has serious drug problems and he is being shuffled back and forth between well meaning relatives.

Apparently, the state did a surprise visit and read his mom the riot act. They were upset that her power had been shut off again and she was in bed at 3:30 in the afternoon. Last year, G. missed 26 days of school because she was “tired from working her job” as a waitress two nights a week at a local sports bar. Recently, there was a second incident where another stranger was sacked out on the couch for a few days.

B. and her husband have been dropping off money at the school so they can be sure G. is getting at least one square meal a day. She has been actively involved in driving him to and from school because his mother just doesn’t show up. B. is also able to make sure that G. is showered and has clean clothes. He spent a couple of days with his mother and came back pretty ripe wearing the same clothes he left in.

That really sad part is this kid is really smart and a straight A student despite the issues he faces. I think the distance between us limits any impact I can have on him but he did ask me all about the financial industry when I was at the lake. I told him it wasn’t the most exciting job in the world but it paid well. G. seems to be interested in IT stuff and program development which is great.

Well, it is raining here this morning. I need to get to the grocery store for weekend food and the bird feeders are pretty low.

Maybe I’ll see if B. wants to meet me for lunch this weekend.

Is it me or is this odd?

I came across this article and had to read it several times to see if I missed something. Is it me or is this odd? That someone would mention adoption reunion so matter-of-factly in an article about vacations just seems strange to me.

This guy left me totally hanging! It is like mentioning cancer in the middle of a child’s story. Jack and Jill went up the hill despite Jack’s recent bout with testicular cancer…Jack fell down, etc.

FRIDAY AUGUST 29, 2008 Last modified: Wednesday, August 27, 2008 2:55 AM EDT

KESSLER: Moral to vacation story: There’s no place like home

 

Webster’s recently accepted “staycation” as one of its new words. It means spending a vacation at home, and especially in this summer where the slow (don’t call it a recession) economy and surging fuel prices have been taking a toll, it’s one of the buzz words, with more and more people, if you believe what you read, said to be spending more vacations at home.

I find the talk about “staycations” to be pretty funny, because it’s not exactly a new concept for me as for many years I’ve spent parts or all of a lot of vacations around the house. Such vacations may not be particularly exciting, but given how crazy our lives are now, and with how little free time many of us have, it’s just real relaxing and nice sometimes to deviate from our normal routines and rediscover life’s simple pleasures, which are really what life is all about.

During my most recent staycation, for example, I did a number of things that on the surface sound pretty routine, but which became things to savor when viewed in context of an unhurried existence that only a break can convey, including:

Dropping my daughter off daily at camp and picking her up without having to go into work later. And I took her swimming after camp one day, which gave me a chance to see her progress in the water.

Treating my younger daughter to my one splurge on vacation – a sit-down Chinese dinner at our favorite affordable local restaurant – while spending a long weekend just with her while my wife and older daughter were out of town for my older daughter’s adoption reunion. The experience gave me a chance to play numerous card games and other games, such as Junior Scrabble – activities that I sadly don’t make enough time to enjoy in the normal course of the week.

Spending considerable time sitting on my porch listening to music, sports talk radio (whither Manny?) and Red Sox games while reading a book and the newspaper and sipping coffee in the morning and cold drinks in the afternoon. Just kicking back has always been one of my favorite all-time pastimes.

Writing a couple of old (as in cherished, not aged) friends birthday cards, and yes, receiving actual cards is something that I think many people would prefer to see even in this Web era.

Waiting out numerous rainstorms, including listening to the windup of an early-evening Sox game on the radio during a particularly active thunder and lightning storm.

Cooking Sunday night dinner for my daughter, and putting her to bed each night, something that I don’t get to do many nights due to working three nights a week.

Now, I realize that none of those activities are especially exciting, but truthfully I get more of a charge out of playing catch or Wiffleball in my yard w ith my daughters than I do taking them to a place such as Hershey Park (which we did in the summer of 2005), an experience that requires much travel in a short time, and spending ludicrous amounts of money.

That’s not to say that I don’t occasionally mind getting away. I relish the trips to Vermont and New Hampshire to see more old friends, and I cherish our annual family trips to Gloucester.

But I make no apologies for preferring the simple life. It might have taken me a while to appreciate what my Dad always said, but I think I’ve finally got it:

If you have your health and your family, you’re rich – and wealthier than any pampered superstar ever could have imagined.

LARRY KESSLER is a Sun Chronicle local news editor who mainly likes to hang around on his time off.

Adoptee Thoughts.

I have been reading a lot of adoptee and first mom posts this morning. I was struck by someone’s comment on another blog that stated adoptees and first moms don’t seem to get along. I couldn’t disagree more.  I think it is important to hear all sides and perspectives. I actually listen and learn from quite a few first moms.

I know I am often considered one of the  ”polite bloggers” because I don’t focus on any political activism or make sweeping generalizations about segments of the adoption triad. I just write about my own experiences and leave it to the reader to take it from there.

But I do have to say I am very disappointed that kim kim’s voice has been silenced. I would read her blog first and then Suz’s blog every morning. I will miss those joyful posts where she was shopping and sending off presents to L., her saving up and traveling to visit L and even those times where she had doubts.

I do understand that many bloggers have to “leave it alone” now and then. It is easy to let it become all encompassing. It is not easy to sit down day after day and delve into your innermost thoughts and feelings. It is also difficult to throw open your soul for the world to see.

I think we all need to be respectful of each other’s journeys. None of them are the same and you can’t cookie cutter people. There are wonderful adoptees, first moms and adoptive parents. I am sure there are also rotten adoptees, first moms and adoptive parents.

It would be wonderful if we could all reunite and stroll off into the sunset but we all know that is rare. Reunion is tough. Not being in reunion is tough. Searching is tough and finding (or not!) is tough.

There are thousands upon thousands of stories out there and I would hope that all of us could listen and learn from each other.

 

From listening comes wisdom, and from speaking repentance.

- Italian proverb