My Biological Father’s Wife.

I deleted the last post because I decided my impressions of my biological father’s wife were irrelevant. She is certainly troubled and my heart goes out to her.

I spoke with her for two hours on Wednesday night and while it was confusing at times, she confirmed quite a lot of information. There were a couple of discrepancies but time often clouds our memories.

I did find out that he had quite an alchohol problem which I already knew. Sadly, it affected his job, marriage, and relationships with a lot of people. She told me he could be quite outgoing but as the evening wore on he would get darker, violent and mean. She also told me he drank every day, all day. His poison was budweiser, vodka and three packs of pall mall unfiltered cigarettes. She said he was always very thin because he never ate and she thought he had experimented with alchohol as far back as grade school.

He did know that I had been born and he knew I was a boy but he never thought I would be able to locate him. She said that they had discussed it several times and she always felt I would turn up someday. Sadly, she told me that she thought it was probably for the best that I didn’t meet him. She said “he was incapable of loving people and he would have just hurt you”. She mentioned that she felt everything happens for a reason and his early death may have been to put him out of his misery.

They split up about a year before he died but they never divorced.  She had assumed he had violated parole again and was in prison. I think he had left her and was living on the streets of Austin at that point.

Oddly, she had no idea where he was buried. How crazy that after 46 years I am the one telling his wife where his ashes are buried? I did tell her that his family had no idea he was married again. His death certificate says he was divorced.

Anyway, I am going to send her some pictures of him. She claims to have some pictures of him to send me but I don’t know if that is true or just ramblings. I hope she follows through. I finally got her to call me after two years so there is some hope.

All in all, I feel good about the call. No revelations and a lot confirmations. I don’t know when he became so damaged…his high school friends always speak so highly of him. I have this nagging, chilling feeling deep down inside that my birth and adoption changed him dramatically. His heart hardened.

It appears that the damage done really did a number on both of my birth parents.  I feel sad and guilty that a little baby could be the cause of so much trouble and sorrow.

I guess I need to take a few days and just grieve for my dad. I hope he is finally resting in peace.

“I always knew you would come looking for him”

I can’t figure out quite how I feel about the voice mail message I received yesterday. I had sent a card to a woman in Baytown, Texas who was married to my biological father and I heard back yesterday.

Here it is:

“Hi Dan. This is G. (pause) I…My number is xxx-xxx-xxxx. I (pause) don’t know if you will want to hear…I…I will be honest. I have prayed about this quite a bit and you sound like a nice young man…I…well. Give me a call when you can…(long pause)..I always knew you would come looking for him. He didn’t think so. But I told him you would…(long pause) (crying?) and you did! I am looking forward to hearing your voice.”

I came home last night and got on the phone with my fellow adoptee buddy.  We talked for a while. I felt very nervous about calling but as my friend said…she isn’t really going to tell you anything you don’t already know. Prison, booze, I know all that.

She asked me what exactly I wanted from this call and I told her I want to find someone who knew him later on. I want to see pictures of him other than his mugshot. I want to…find him. 

Then she said something that chilled me:

“It is almost like you are haunted by his ghost.”

And she may very well be right.

Sorry, Bristol.

As you all know, I can barely contain my dismay over how Sarah Palin has handled the pregnancy of her 17 year old daughter, Bristol.  To comment on Suz’s recent post, I do not think anyone is talking to Bristol.  They are talking at her. Sounds like all the decisions are being handled by her mother, public relations folks and McCain’s campaign managers.

How sad is that in this day and age?

Sorry, Bristol. I think you are being sold out by your own mother. Read on:

By Mail On Sunday Reporter
Last updated at 11:31 PM on 06th September 2008 

Sarah Palin’s future son-in-law  has been dubbed the First Slacker, amid claims he has been railroaded into marrying his pregnant teenager lover for political reasons.

High School dropout Levi Johnston, 18, is known in Wasilla for being a ‘big kid’ who loves parties, hunting moose and playing hockey – and is far from ready to settle down.

But he has made one commitment to 17-year-old Bristol Palin: having her name tattooed on to his ring finger six weeks ago.

Enlarge  

Mark of affection: Levi with pregnant Bristol and, inset, his tattoo

 

Clayton Halfhill, of Wasilla’s AK-Ink Tattoo parlour, said: ‘Levi came in because Bristol’s older brother Track came in a year ago to get a tattoo of a fish on his leg – with Sarah Palin.

‘It’s unusual for a mother to come in with her son. She was Governor, too, so it was even more memorable. But I don’t remember much about Levi. He’s not a memorable kid.’

But those who do know Johnston, who appeared at the Republican National Convention alongside his five-months pregnant girlfriend last week, are hardly more flattering.

One friend said: ‘Levi doesn’t want to get wed and everybody knows it. He parties hard, boozes and likes the girls.

‘When Bristol got pregnant, he was in a daze. The marriage was the idea of Sarah Palin and her family.’

Kerry Marcott, who works at Wasilla’s ice arena, said: ‘Levi is a prankster. He’s a big kid, more comfortable in jeans and stained T-shirt than a suit, who enjoys the attention of girls.

‘If Palin becomes Vice-President, he will be First Slacker.’

Dwight Probasco, principal of Wasilla High School, which Johnston dropped out of, said: ‘School might have interfered with Levi’s moose-hunting, so he did a home-school course.

‘He continued to play on the ice hockey team, even though he stopped coming to classes two years ago. I understand he is now out of work.’

Levi has also had run-ins with the law: fined twice over illegally fished salmon, and once for speeding.