I was reading we are everywhere this morning and her post brought some interesting questions to mind. Dbannie talked about going to her employer to have her firstborn added to her family list.
This struck a note with me because I had surgery last year and I had to specifically add B. to my list of contact folks. The hospital could have cared less but it got me thinking. If I had “headed to the light”, she might never have known if she hadn’t been added to the list. My aparents wouldn’t have the faintest idea how to contact her. Somewhat my fault…blending these two families is just way too much for me.
This just brought a whole bunch of questions to mind. How do others deal with medical notifications, etc.? What about wills and stuff like that? I know that B. has given me stuff “ahead of time” that would only have value to me. A gardening book of her fathers with his handwritten notes and a porcelain figurine of her mothers that is the ugliest thing you have ever seen. It is a hideous owl with flapping wings but I love it.
Note: I have noticed that a lot of the “bloggers I like to read” folks are gone or password protected. I need to update my list and would like to still include you. Please leave me a comment with your new website information if you are still blogging!
7 responses so far ↓
angelle2 // September 22, 2009 at 9:59 am |
I think about this myself. It is something that I will have to ask my son.
His wife has my information but if something happened on my end it would be difficult as we have no family here. I think I may leave a letter with a friend for “just in case.”
Re blended: My son really wanted a blended family but his amom has created many roadblocks. I give him credit for his effort but it has its emotional price. It pains me to see her make him suffer when I know he loves her very much.
Suz // September 22, 2009 at 5:53 pm |
Not surprisingly, I have thought about this and discussed with my fiance, ex husband, even extended family. I also have my daughter on estate documents (unknown to her). They know her name, location, website, etc. If something happened to me, they could contact her.
I also have a fireproof box of everything that is “her story” in it. All who know and love me know to bequeath it to her in the event of my demise (assuming we havent met before hand).
maybe // September 23, 2009 at 1:17 pm |
Interesting question. I’m completing a beneficiary designation form and I want to list my son. What do I put in the “relationship” box? He can’t really prove he is my son, since the amended birth certificate lists a different mother. I also don’t know his SSN, so I have to leave that blank. I guess in the end it’s sufficient to list adoptive name and birth date, at least I hope that is enough. In my will, I’m thinking of listing him as my son, born with name X, amended to name X at the the of adoption. Again, hoping that will be sufficient.
A friend has his contact info in case I croak.
Roxanne // September 25, 2009 at 10:17 am |
I don’t know how much “stuff” I will have left to give. ..lol… I gave one special piece of jewelry to my son early on in reunion. And I am a compulsive quilt maker, so he will receive yet another quilt. (poor guy; I mean how many does one need???)
I am glad you wrote a little bit about how difficult it is to blend families together. It seems very difficult for my son to blend us all together, too. I get the sense that the only way he has been able to have me in his life is by keeping us all separate. Although, just recently, he has been talking more to me about his parents. ( after 8 years..)
It is terrifying to me that something might happen to him and I would never know. I have asked him a couple of times to choose one friend to contact me if something, heaven forbid, happened.
I don’t think he has, yet. I have asked one of his friends to please contact me, if ever…I do trust this particularly friend of my son. My son might be angry at me for this..but I did it anyways.
If something were to suddenly happen to me, I have asked another son (the one whom I trust to follow through during a confusing time) to please contact my oldest.
thanks, Dan, for still reading. I know I don’t write often.. Dbannie
Kim // September 30, 2009 at 10:51 am |
I haven’t made a will, I don’t think about dying it doesn’t feel like it will ever happen!
I think I know that my husband would know what to give her, what she would want to have, I mean I don’t want to burden her with a lot of junk she might now want you know?
If I am rich and famous by then then of course I leave her money but if I am rich and famous I’d rather give her money while still alive.
I love Dbannie’s blog, it’s such a treasure isn’t it?
unicorn // October 14, 2009 at 7:23 am |
My son and I have reunited.
He is also reunited with his other siblings and his father.
Wills – I have included my son in my will. I am keeping a special box for him which my husband or other children will give to him on my demise. It is mainly personal stuff but I have already given him most things now anyway.
However, I will not be leaving my found son any sizeable amount of money for 2 reasons which he understands and accepts.
Firstly, my found son is included in his adoptive parents will. As my other children are obviously not in my son’s adoptive parents will, I thought it only fair that I leave the vast amount of my estate to my other 2 children – it is the fairest thing for everyone and I have made this very clear to all, including my lawyer who has drawn up my will.
The other reason for making the will this way is that I have already given my found son a lot of things including money.
(he didn’t ask me to, I wanted to).
I wanted to spend my money on him while we were both still alive and I do admit that I enjoy spoiling him. I spent the money on some amazing holidays with my son – the holidays were a wonderful way of bonding and have given us memories that we will treasure forever. We did things like sight seeing London (Tower Bridge, London Eye, etc.) , we took a boat around Scottish islands, and many other things – it is actually quite a long list. We loved every minute of it. Someone once said to me that it is shared history that helps to bond people together which I think is true. It certainly helped me and my son to bond – our reunion is still very strong 6 years later.
My son returned to his country of birth but before he did, he gave my a photo album of all the pictures he had taken during our time together. It means the world to me.
My son phones me once a month and we e-mail each other in between. I always check to see that he is OK – he is doing well on his college course and he has passed all of his exams so far. I am very proud of him.
BTW – if anything were to happen to him, his common law wife will let us know, as would his father. My son lives near him now (you could say it is his turn to get to know our son better – they have been camping this summer and they went skiing at Christmas). There are a lot of people who would let each of us know if anything were to happen to him.
I am not sure what my son’s father’s position is on wills, but he has given our son a number of gifts – he gave our son a beautiful watch on their reunion and I know he has given/done other things for our son as well. He has also given our son time spent together with him – I guess that is the most important thing.
Ron Ziegler // October 22, 2009 at 12:08 pm |
My name is Ron Ziegler I found my birth mother her name is Martha Ackley 1-313-924-5424 as you can see my name went from A-Z I found her on the net. And both mothers named Martha.My records were sealed. However,I found her,both of us have mental illness. We have manic depression. She was 14 when she had me.I would like to share our story on your show. Thank you for reading my note.
Sincerely,Ron Ziegler
Ron Ziegler
1-954-392-8948 my home