My Biological Father’s Wife.

I deleted the last post because I decided my impressions of my biological father’s wife were irrelevant. She is certainly troubled and my heart goes out to her.

I spoke with her for two hours on Wednesday night and while it was confusing at times, she confirmed quite a lot of information. There were a couple of discrepancies but time often clouds our memories.

I did find out that he had quite an alchohol problem which I already knew. Sadly, it affected his job, marriage, and relationships with a lot of people. She told me he could be quite outgoing but as the evening wore on he would get darker, violent and mean. She also told me he drank every day, all day. His poison was budweiser, vodka and three packs of pall mall unfiltered cigarettes. She said he was always very thin because he never ate and she thought he had experimented with alchohol as far back as grade school.

He did know that I had been born and he knew I was a boy but he never thought I would be able to locate him. She said that they had discussed it several times and she always felt I would turn up someday. Sadly, she told me that she thought it was probably for the best that I didn’t meet him. She said “he was incapable of loving people and he would have just hurt you”. She mentioned that she felt everything happens for a reason and his early death may have been to put him out of his misery.

They split up about a year before he died but they never divorced.  She had assumed he had violated parole again and was in prison. I think he had left her and was living on the streets of Austin at that point.

Oddly, she had no idea where he was buried. How crazy that after 46 years I am the one telling his wife where his ashes are buried? I did tell her that his family had no idea he was married again. His death certificate says he was divorced.

Anyway, I am going to send her some pictures of him. She claims to have some pictures of him to send me but I don’t know if that is true or just ramblings. I hope she follows through. I finally got her to call me after two years so there is some hope.

All in all, I feel good about the call. No revelations and a lot confirmations. I don’t know when he became so damaged…his high school friends always speak so highly of him. I have this nagging, chilling feeling deep down inside that my birth and adoption changed him dramatically. His heart hardened.

It appears that the damage done really did a number on both of my birth parents.  I feel sad and guilty that a little baby could be the cause of so much trouble and sorrow.

I guess I need to take a few days and just grieve for my dad. I hope he is finally resting in peace.

What is Sarah Palin Thinking?

I think the only thing that really bugs me about Sarah Palin is the way her daughter’s pregnancy is being handled. I can live with her beliefs about God, Guns and Guts but I don’t particularly like her stances on oil drilling and her animal rights stance is dismal at best. Want to increase the moose population to attrack hunters to Alaska? Just shoot bears, deer and other animals from planes!

In my previous post, I pointed out how the McCain’s adopted daughter was being paraded around to show that the McCains had compassion. I found it disgusting.

Now I am more disgusted that Sarah Palin’s ”private family matter” is being played out on national television. The fact that Sarah Palin never went near her newborn baby during her introduction as McCain’s VP pick was disturbing enough… until you realize the baby (and blanket!) was being used to hide her daughter’s pregnancy.

Then they decided to fly the father-to-be down to the convention yesterday. This poor kid and Sarah Palin’s daughter looked like deer in the headlights as they got their hugs from John McCain. (Does anyone else think John McCain might have bad breath? Just a thought. People seem to turn away when he gets close…)

This whole thing left me with questions:

1. Would Bristol and her boyfriend be getting married if Sarah wasn’t running for office?
2. Which is worse? Hiding your pregnant daughter’s stomach with a newborn baby or using your newborn baby to hide a pregnancy?
3. Do you think it is right to drag these two kids out into the spotlight during such a personal (and possibly traumatic) experience?
4. Did anyone else noticed the glazed expression in Sarah Palin’s eyes as she watched at John McCain pratically high five her future son-in-law? An old boy “nice work, dude! She’s hot!” type of thing?

So if you don’t want to think about how the McCain adopted daughter is being used as a pawn, you can alway think about how Bristol Palin and her boyfriend are being used as pawns.

In The Girls Who Went Away there is story after story of young pregnant girls being spirited out in the dark of night crouched down in the back seat or covered with blankets. I guess the only difference is that poor Bristol Palin didn’t have to crouch down.

 

Slowing Things Down…

I was reading Suz this morning and her post on losing her mind struck a chord with me. After having my ear surgery, I jumped back into work with both feet and ended up having a setback last Thursday morning. Headache and shooting ear pain. Once I felt better I went into work. However, it was 1:00 p.m. in the afternoon so I wouldn’t describe myself as prompt.

Work has been good about giving me some slack. Fortunately, I look like I don’t feel good so that helps.

Anyway, I started getting this cough Wednesday. I assumed it was something tied in with my ear and the remaining packing. Wrong! Within 24 hours, I came down with the worst cold I can ever remember. My eyes are tearing, nose running, sneezing and throbbing headache. My nose is bright red from using tissues, paper towels, napkins, etc. to try to stop this running nose. It just won’t stop! I took some Dayquil this morning and I am hoping for the best.

This all got me thinking about slowing things down. I was feeling guilty that I had neglected my various volunteer positions but they will just have to understand. I am doing much better at saying “no”.

I am also feeling better about distancing myself from my bdad’s ex-wife and children. I don’t want to be dragged into their family problems and who did what to whom way back when. I apologize to them but it is just too much for me.

It is funny but my adoptee daydreaming has stopped. I just can’t fathom growing up with B. and/or R. as my parents. It is overwhelming. Would I be welding for a living in a shipyard? Would I still like cooking and reading? If I didn’t know any better, would I even care? B. laughs and says I probably would have run away! She thinks I would have been on the first train to the city and she is probably right!