Adoptees and Photographs.

I was the lucky recipient of an envelope containing 23 photographs of my birthfather yesterday. These were compiled and sent to me by a paternal cousin. These dated back to when he was a toddler up through his teen years and they are just awesome!

There is one picture where he has his shirt off and is flexing like a muscleman. The goofy grin is just hilarious and his mugging for the camera is something I would do…

The weirdest part is seeing his flexed arm. I look at his arm and I see my arm! I am not sure of the classification but he and I are built the same. Tall and long muscled rather than bulky.

There is only one picture that bothers me. It is him, his father and his grandfather. He is holding his newborn daughter who was born 9 months after me with another woman. The look on his face is disturbing. Happy and yet sort of sad. I had mentioned before that he knew I was born and knew I was a boy. In this picture, he would have known about me. All the other pictures were before shots.

I do wonder if I am trying to read more into the picture than is really there. The eternal adoptee looking for some acknowledgement. Always wondering if he forgot about me. Looking for something/anything that says he cared….

Summer and the New Season of Troy Dunn’s The Locator.

Wow! It has been so long since I have really sat down and posted here. I am amazed that I am still getting any hits here at all…

First, I had a great summer and spent some time with B. and her family up at the lake in New Hampshire where she rents a cottage. Ironically, this is the same lake where she spent time when she was pregnant with me some 47 years ago.  She recalls her doctor telling her parents there was nothing wrong with her water skiing in her condition.

There was an interesting incident (?) where my half sister introduced me to her friend as her “half brother”. It does get a little weird when she has introduced me in the past. She and I look at each other as she stumbles along. She finally would say something like “it is a long story” and we would laugh.

What made this introduction even more profound was the recipient. I didn’t think too much of it at the time. Not to sound snotty but my half-sister and half brother’s friends are a lot younger than me and rural? Lots of tattoos, early in the day beer drinking, and  heavy metal music. Nice people but we are different.

Anyway, I got introduced to this guy as a half brother and he starts blurting out that he hasn’t seen his oldest daughter in 16 years. He signed away his parental rights when she was born and had a big falling out with the mom. Apparently, he and his wife had located the daughter and were trying to make contact. Things were not going well with much resistance from the mother but that isn’t the point to this really.

I was meeting some other folks and I figured I would work my way back to this guy to talk some more. I looked around for him but he was gone! I asked my half sister where he went and she told me that he had become very emotional after meeting me and heard how I regretted not looking for Ray sooner. Note: The new picture is Ray’s actual grave marker and this is the first time I have divulged his name.

Anyway, I felt terrible for this poor guy. I hope he is able to make contact with his daughter. His distress was obviously from the heart and I think we sometimes lose sight that there is grief in all sides of adoption. I was reminded again of this watching the first show of the new season of the Locator starring my hero Troy Dunn. I know he reads here so while I will post more about the awesome new season later today or tomorrow. I was reminded by the show (and this guy I met) that the reunion clock is always ticking! I didn’t beat the clock and Ray was gone when I located him. I do take some solace that maybe somewhere he is watching me and is proud of me. I really think if he had been given the chance to raise me he would have been a different man…hopefully a better father. I think his ex-wife always knew she was second choice and the bitterness spread out like a vine. I wonder if that is why my reunion with his immediate family has been so terrible.

Anyway, it felt good to post again so maybe my self imposed vacation is over?

Troy Dunn’s Website

I have been receiving lots of inquiries about Troy Dunn and his search services after he commented several times on this blog. Your best bet to contact Troy would be at his website.
Good luck!